Grace....

GRACE.....My word for this year...God's grace is sufficient. M has been in the U.S. for 5 weeks now in this "trial" separation. God's grace has been sufficient and I am oh so grateful. There have been times of ache...but I think knowing I will be with her again soon--helps ease the ache. I am so happy that she has had this time to go and be involved with the people and activities where she has gone. I can't wait to sit down with her and have a long chat about all of it--what she learned--who she spent time with--how God spoke to her. It has been encouraging to know that siblings have turned to her in hard times and asked her for advice and she has been earnestly praying for one particular sibling. God has been speaking to my heart about many things. How will I treat her when she returns? It would be ignorant to think that she will return the same....just barely (2 days) 18 year old that she was when she left. What changes do I need to make in order to move forward in our relationship?

And she's off...

Almost a week ago, Malia left for her trip to the U.S. This is a pic of her and Savy at the airport. She was traveling alone but God provided travel buddies (Carol Hylden). She had a great first few days and today her HEART training begins. I will not be able to talk to her for three weeks. I pray that God will use this time in her life to cement her commitment to him. I pray that she will serve those around her and grow in the ways that she needs to grow. I am so thankful for the growth we have seen in her life this year. She had a number of friends come to the airport to see her off. We miss her already!

Malia's 18th birthday

Graduation 2011

Today is the day...

Today is the day that first born becomes a senior. Still unbelievable to me that even though I have watched all these kids through the years leave--it was really hard to believe that it would happen to me. I desire to not be one of those moms that counts down the days as in...."this is the last...." The emotion involved with all of that seems too much for me. I was anticipating stuffing them all in. I think that's what I usually do. 2nd daughter asked yesterday before the candle lighting ceremony..."mom are you going to cry?" I said emphatically "no." But, something happened that I didn't expect. 1st dd received an unanticipated award--for academic excellence and achievement in Comparative Government. Then it happened.....I cried. Not because of the candle lighting ceremony but because this child--that learning has been so difficult for--received an ACADEMIC award---her junior year. And then the waterworks were turned on and I had to fight really hard to keep them in even during the candle lighting. 1st born excels at fine arts--not necessarily academics but the fact that she tried really hard and someone else recognized her achievement....which was a much greater achievement than those that academia comes easily to. So, she lit her candle....and Bri blew hers out. They hugged and then the new seniors were commissioned.

So many mixed emotions. I don't want this time to end....yet there is the pulling away and the desire for independence on her part that sometimes make it difficult living in the same house. She doesn't want to be told what to do--I still want to know where she is--and remind her that she needs to study for finals and go to bed at a decent time the night before. I know she feels many mixed emotions--so many of her friends are getting ready to leave and won't be returning next yr. I remember the emotions--and at that time--I thought it would be easy to see my friends again. She says goodbye with the knowledge she may never see them again and if she does the visits will be few and far between. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 (NIV) I pray that she will understand and know what these verses mean.

It begins...

It is hard to believe but in a week---I will be a Senior Mom. I decided to create a blog because it seems that this will be my title for almost the next 5 years...with one year off in the middle. So, I will use this forum to write about my experiences as I begin the journey to this next stage of life. I recognize that some don't understand the significance of this journey and bemoan the fact that Senior activities can "take over your life." I beg to differ. Senior Mom activities provide a venue for grieving and launching which is needed in this expat community--esp. for those who have considered mothering their highest calling for a season. It is not just moving from one stage to the next but it is closing one chapter (children in your home) and moving on to the next--which for us, often involves sending your offspring to the other side of the world--to a culture that is not their own. As long as I remember I wanted to be a mom. The privilege did not come naturally for me. After many years with Endometriosis and going through an early menopausal experience, God granted us a pregnancy that we miscarried. After about 8 long months, God blessed us with the news that we were expecting first-born. I loved being pregnant. Did I really say that? Yes, every stinking sickness filled moment--even WITH the stretch marks! There is nothing like having a life growing inside of you. What a privilege God designed in allowing us to take part in this.